Pet Sitting

Dear Mom,

Our neighbors have gone out of town for a few days so we are dog sitting. The sister of the dad of the house, is getting married not far from here, but it is at a resort so why not go away. I get it. I would too.

They have two pure bred German Shepard. One is a few years old, and the other is a couple of months old. The older one is all black and just the sweetest big oaf who saunters about but once he lays down, won't get up for at least an hour. He also likes to lay in the backyard where ever the sunlight is beating down. He has a very deep bark and frequently barks at nothing. Which makes me jump almost out of my seat. He is a good boy though.

The youngest...she is only a couple of months old. She has the normal coloring you would see when thinking of a German Shepard. Her paws are huge, her ears are bigger than her face. She checks on me often, jamming her wet nose into whatever part of me she can get too. And she is a jumper, which is fine, I get it. Doesn't mean I have to like it, lol. She hears what and when she wants, as with most toddlers. She is the quintessential puppy.

The older one didn't used to bark as much. But since the arrival of the puppy he barks more. He will stand or sit outside and watch for people or whatever bothers him and bark at them till they are long gone. I tell him the same thing I say to our dog Scooby, "that isn't how you make friends". Sometimes it makes whoever is walking by chuckle which makes me smile.

The younger one is currently laying on the cold tile floor, on my foot. The poor thing is shaking, and I wish she would go lay on the carpet or couch where it is a little warmer. Right now, when she looks at me with those unrelenting adorable puppy dog eyes, I feel like she is asking me to go sit on the couch so she can lay on me. Well my dear, Scooby would be quite pissed at me if I did, so no. She is super cute though.

Both of them are definitely missing their family. I have watched both of them many, many times walk over to the master bedroom door and try to push it open with their long snouts. When it doesn't open, the whining starts. Both have this very quiet, yet high pitched whine. Not the kind of whine from seeing a squirrel or bird hopping about that needs to be played with. No, unfortunately it is a sad, longing, lonely whine. Even though one of my daughters or I are hanging out with them, they whine.

Sometimes their cries make me feel despondent for them. I try to quell their whimpers by calling them to me and petting them as often as they want or will let me. I remind them often their Mom, Dad and the kids will be home soon. My attempts to calm them work for a little while. They go lay down, but do still let out their very quiet whine reminding themselves, or me, they are missing their people.

When they do that I think of who or what I am also missing. I think of all the things I could be doing at my house...laundry, dishes, cleaning one of the girls rooms. I also think of you and the quiet whine I have, that only I can hear. The cries for you, and everything I should have done differently the past few years. The times I shouldn't have made excuses to not see you, to not talk to you. The times I shouldn't have shuffled off so quickly from being with you.

I have regrets, and I am trying to look past them, but it is hard. Hard remembering you before. All I see right now is how you were in the end. I don't want to see that anymore. I want to remember before our lives got upended with a cruel diagnosis. Before all the heartache. I wish I was better, I wish I didn't push you away when you wanted to be near. I wish so many things. I can't change the past. I can only try to alter myself now, for my kids. If I can show them half the love you gave, then maybe I will feel better.

Love Always,

Your Daughter

#alzsucks #alzheimers #dementia #youarenotalone